Confidence
“It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.” Psalm 118:8 KJV
Merriam-Webster definition of confidence:
1a : a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances
b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
2 : the quality or state of being certain
3a : a relation of trust or intimacy
b : reliance on another’s discretion
c : support especially in a legislative body
4 : a communication made in confidence
Confidence is one of those strange words. You know the type: words that can mean a host of different things. Although, if you look at it carefully, the definitions can be tied together a little.
The thing that all the definitions have in common is perception. It’s like your feelings say it is okay to trust in that person or situation, even when that person is yourself. The burden of proof has been accomplished and now you are almost absolutely positive that nothing is going to go wrong or you aren’t going to get hurt when you lay your trust or effort out there.
Confidence is hard because no one is perfect. Everyone will eventually fall and confidence seems to automatically evaporate when that tumble happens.
Trust is one of the key ingredients to confidence. Without trust, confidence is artificial, at best. If you can’t trust something or someone, how can you have true confidence in it or in them?
Trust’s twin brother is Faith. Trust is like the muscle. It is putting into action your feelings. Faith is more like the intellectual twin. When it’s through with its investigation of the situation or person, Faith sends its approval to the brain and the heart. Faith tells Trust to go ahead and team up with confidence.
It’s like starting a car. Faith is knowing if you put the key in the ignition, the car will start. Trust is actually putting the key in the ignition to start the car.
Still, our confidence does get broken. Often that is because Faith and Trust forget about their older brother, Wisdom. Wisdom is the act of experiencing, witnessing, or learning the consequences of one’s decisions on a given situation. Although one may possess that Wisdom, one does not always apply that Wisdom. When Wisdom gets forgotten, the results are usually not very good.
For example, let’s say there is a burning building. Faith may say, “We need to get our stuff out.” Faith, without Wisdom, would then send Trust in the building to get their stuff out. More than likely, the results would be disastrous.
Wisdom would have surveyed the situation. It would then probably say, “Let’s call 9-1-1. We may lose some things, but at least we will be around to enjoy what’s left.”
Bert is one of those fellows who had every reason not to be confident in himself. It might have started off by no one really knowing if he was born on August 10th or 11th. He was born around midnight but, with no clock around, everyone was too busy with his birth to notice which side of midnight it was that he entered the world.
Bert, the middle child, had an older brother named Tad and younger sister named May. One winter he was so sick his grandmother thought he was dead. A cousin had been sent to the doctor, but Bert’s time seemed to be up. Using dimes was a practice they used to do as they awaited burial preparations. They were placed on his eyes. Surprisingly, Bert would survive.
Six years later Bert’s father would die. Bert’s Mother was so distraught. She found peace in her Quaker religion. Strongly religious, she would go two or three weeks at a time on the circuit. Other family and friends would take care of Bert, Tad, and May while she was gone.
Tad and Bert came to cope with this lifestyle by finding relief in fishing. Even after Bert would find great success, and even after he became President, he would claim there was no restaurant in the world that could prepare a better meal than the fish he and Tad caught and cooked along the riverbank when they were younger.
When Bert was not quite ten years old, tragedy struck again. His Mom died. Her death was a far too frequent event in those days in the Midwest. The three young orphans were divided up to different family members, in different states. Bert would go live with an uncle and aunt.
I’m sure, at this point in his life, confidence was a word missing from Bert’s life. Although her children were now split up, Bert’s Mom was very thrifty, and she had saved quite a bit of money. The money was divided among the three children with the Mom’s wish that most of it to go to her children’s education.
Horace Greeley blurted out, “Go West, young man, and grow with the country!” Inside Bert grew an excitement he could not contain. Somehow, he convinced his aunt and uncle to give him the $33.33 for a ticket for the trip along the Oregon Trail. Bert would go live with another uncle and aunt in Oregon.
The strict discipline of this strongly Quaker uncle led Bert to often write to his other uncle, the one he used to live with, about the unfairness he was experiencing. Bert grew to greatly admire this uncle, though. Later in life he would even say, “Adolescent impressions are not of historical importance.”
At the time, though, Bert realized he wanted to gain his independence. He would work many jobs to earn extra money. He would cut wood, work as an office manager, and deliver medicine for doctors on his bicycle. Bert would even drive a horse for a car company at the Oregon State Fair, even though he was not too fond of horses. Almost anything to earn money, Bert was willing to do. Overcoming the challenges of each new job, you could almost see the confidence growing in young Bert.
If there is one Biblical character that defines the struggles of confidence, I believe it is him. He was very successful, from a Biblical point of view, so there had to be more confidence in himself than lack of confidence. Still, one can see that even the Bible greats struggled when it came to confidence.
Much like our President, Bert, when he was young, this Bible character would lose his parents early in his life. Unlike the young President, though, he would go to live with complete strangers. I’m sure he often wondered why this had happened to him.
From a worldly standpoint, this was a great place for our Biblical character to grow up. His new “parents” were very well off and they provided him everything you could imagine. You could definitely say he was living the high life. Everything he wanted was his. Servants were always there for him. He got one of the best educations the world could offer at the time.
A child without one, or both, their real parents usually has a hole that no one else can really fill. There is just a missing piece to the puzzle. This was true with our Bible character. Even though he had the best the world could offer, he longed for the past and the parents who were no longer part of his present.
I’m sure this hole left by his parent’s absence left our Bible character’s confidence shaken. A feeling grew inside him that he still had his real parents inside him. Until he could prove his devotion to those real parents, confidence could never really become a resident in his soul.
So how do you know where to put your confidence so that it will never be broken? Truth is, there is no earthly place where you can have that guarantee. We are imperfect people. The best we can do is to help each other gain confidence through our example. When others see us as genuine and confident in ourselves, they tend to want to mirror what they see.
Still, there are great confidence killers when we try to believe in ourselves. One of the biggest, meanest, and ugliest of all is that bully that always seems to be hanging out on the corner: Worry.
Worry doesn’t even need to lay a hand on you. Oh no, Worry goes straight for your mind. It knows, “If I have the mind, everything else will follow.” Often Worry places unreasonable thoughts in your mind, but it doesn’t mind reaching into its bag and pulling out things like doubt, jealousy, prejudices, the past, or even pride.
One of the worst confidence killers, especially for me, is when I personally fail. Failure can be one really big confidence killer. I’m pretty sure there is no one who puts more pressure on me than I do myself. With every success in my life, I still always seem to be looking over my shoulders for that confidence killer: Failure.
Another confidence killer is the seeking of someone’s approval. That fear of letting someone down, or fearing what they might think of us, limits our freedom to just be ourselves. You can’t be confident if you are only trying to live up to someone else’s expectations.
Bert really wanted to go to college. His brother, Tad, had received a great deal from his uncle and Bert was hoping to find an equally savoring deal. Tad didn’t want to go to college, but when their uncle offered to pay half of the schooling, Tad realized that was a great way to get out of town.
Bert wanted to go to college for a different reason. He figured that was the best way to earn a fortune. A man came to town excitingly telling of the fortune to be made in mining, but to earn that fortune one must have an education. And that education would come in the field of engineering.
Bert’s uncle offered him the same offer he gave Tad. He would pay half his education if he attended Earlham College. It is believed that his uncle had arranged a scholarship for Bert there. Earlham didn’t have an engineering program, though. Bert decided to go to Stanford, which, at the time was tuition free.
Working and studying hard could best describe Bert’s time at Stanford. The more Bert tried, the more confidence he gained. When he graduated he was ready to enter the workforce.
Disappointment was the first thing that seemed to arrive at Bert’s doorstep after graduation. One job opportunity after another seemed to slip through his hands. It seemed that these mine companies were not at all interested in what they perceived as “know-it-all” college educated graduates.
Since working your way up from the bottom was the mining code at the time, Bert was willing to accept any job they had. He took a job pushing an ore cart. Bert then went to work at another mining company as an office boy. He quickly made himself indispensable taking on more and more of the jobs.
American mining techniques, at this time, were considered superior to Europe’s. So with that American edge Bert went to Australia with his mining experience. Success, from his hard work, produced more opportunities, and more money. He would eventually work in China, London, Russia, Burma, and a dozen other countries.
With success and money piling up, Bert was growing tired of those pursuits. “Surely, there had to be more to life than this,” was his thought.
As our Bible character grew older, more and more, he wanted to prove he was his real parents’ son. He gathered up enough courage, and he stood up to the influence his new family had over the land. It backfired.
With his tail between his legs, and what little bit of confidence he did have in himself shattered, he ran away from home. He was never going to make that mistake again. Somewhere out there had to be a new life for him and he was going to find it. If he took enough steps, he reasoned, he could find a home where no one knew him and a fresh start would be easier.
This running away from his problems worked, for a little while. But he became restless. Boredom probably set in a little, too. His pride would never surrender to those thoughts, but they were there buried deep inside him.
God has a magic potion. It mixes a broken life, a lack of confidence, disappointment, and a little bit of stubbornness. Stirring it with the spoon of pride, God has the perfect recipe for someone He can work with. Problem is, the person just doesn’t know it yet.
When God served His potion to our Bible character, he just wasn’t ready to swallow it yet. His soul just wasn’t ready to commit absolutely to God or His will. Since nothing is too hard for God, God went straight to our Bible character’s weakest trait: his confidence in himself.
So how does one tie things together to gain confidence? I have found a few things that have helped me. I will share them with you.
The first one on my list is forgiveness. The past is a very strong magnet to pull away from. There is really no other way than forgiveness to have a clean slate. That forgiveness can be with another individual or even yourself.
“But you don’t know how bad someone wronged me,” might be your defense. “I’m not going to let that happen to me ever again,” could be a very justified defense. “I don’t ever want to hurt like that again,” would be a valid, educated response. “I tried so hard, and I failed. I’m not going to put that much effort unless I’m guaranteed success,” seems reasonable enough. You have every reason, and justification to hold on to whatever it is you are holding on to.
Why forgiveness? Because, you are not really holding on to it, it is holding on and controlling you. When you forgive, you’re basically saying, “It’s not my problem anymore.” Without that cloud hanging over you, you are more likely to take other chances. The more chances you take, the more likely you are to succeed. The more you succeed, the more confidence you gain.
Second, don’t make people prove to you that they deserve your trust, confidence, or love. Sure, to start with, you have to be careful with what you share with people. Still, there are other parts of your life that could be quite helpful to others. Once you find those helpful things to share, you will wake up one day, surprised that you are sharing and trusting the other person more and more. Soon both of you will be holding up your part of the relationship and helping it to grow more strongly. Then you will look around and see that you have even more confidence to give other relationships.
My third contribution to confidence may seem like it is a contradiction. It is acting. In those moments when confidence seems so far from you, act like you’re confident. I’m not talking in an arrogant way.
Say you wake up one morning not feeling very confident or something has happened to shake your confidence. Convince yourself that others are going to see a confident you, even if you are just acting. Go out of your way to prove it. Soon, the first person you are going to convince is yourself.
Like we saw with our future President, he didn’t have the knowledge to be confident in most of the things life handed him. He didn’t let that stop him. When he acted with confidence, when he really had no reason to be confident, surprisingly, lead him to gain confidence.
My final contribution to confidence is working at the things that cause you to be less confident. If it is education, pick up a book or take a class. Shyness might be your strongest trait. Start by saying, “Hi,” to that stranger you pass instead of looking at the ground or in the other direction. Even something like complimenting a mother on her child can get you started.
Try something new, but let yourself fail over and over again until you perfect it. Look in the mirror, make a funny face, and laugh at yourself. Help someone with something you are good at. Try to make someone who is down laugh. There are more little things you can do to build your confidence than there are big ones.
Bert looked back on his life and he knew that the land of confidence required taking little steps. He wasn’t going to stumble over worry or a fear of failure. The rewards in trying something new, and accomplishing it, were too sweet to pass up. Waiting for someone else to present options never worked for Bert. There was something out there and Bert was determined to find it instead of waiting for it to find him.
As World War I rolled around, Bert became aware of thousands of Americans stranded in London. Thousands more were fleeing across the channel every day. Bert would join a committee of fellow prominent Americans to provide aid. Using even his own money, Bert’s heart and wallet were all in for this effort.
Soon Belgium bore much of the blunt of the Germany forces. Food quickly disappeared from their stores’ shelves. Food and starvation loomed over her. The Commission for Relief in Belgium (CRB) was an example of an organization that would bear Bert’s image on many future relief efforts. During and after World War I, President Wilson would ask him to lead many of the relief efforts.
Bert was asked by Calvin Coolidge to be his Secretary of Commerce. A new challenge never seemed to stop Bert. He accepted.
When Calvin Coolidge decided not to run again, Bert wanted to try to become President of the United States himself. Many thought Coolidge should run again. Despite the fact that Coolidge said he wasn’t running again, there were many who thought he just wanted to be drafted into another term. As the election neared, no one was completely sure what Coolidge would do.
It what seems like an uncharacteristic move, Bert failed to jump right into the Presidential election fray anyway. In almost every other effort in his life, Bert would just go for it. For some reason, even though Coolidge said he wasn’t running, Bert was afraid of appearing disloyal. So Bert just waited a little longer.
Bert would even go to Coolidge and ask if it was okay for him to run. In typical “Silent Cal” fashion, Coolidge didn’t say anything, one way or another, about Bert running. Herbert “Bert” Hoover would finally announce his candidacy for President of the United States for the election of 1928 when Calvin Coolidge made it absolutely clear he would not run for the Presidency nor would he serve if he was drafted.
Calvin Coolidge would lead our nation during one of its most prosperous times. They would be called the Roaring Twenties (the 1920s). When Coolidge decided not to run again, and Hoover ran for President, Hoover would win the election of 1928.
Shortly after Hoover was sworn in, the prosperous Roaring Twenties came to a roaring stop. Once again, Hoover faced a very difficult situation. Unlike other times in his life, though, Hoover seemed to lose his confidence. He would even turn toward the former President, Coolidge, and ask for his advice. “Silent Cal” would not utter a word of help. Hoover was on his own.
Many consider Hoover one of our worst Presidents. Others would say the Roaring Twenties were artificially being held up by some shaky financial and banking practices. Hoover just happened to be at the wrong place at the right time.
Personally, for one of the few times in his life, I think Hoover lost his confidence in himself and what he was capable of doing. When fear abounds, people tend to rally around those who are confident. People started doubting Hoover, and Hoover started doubting himself.
Herbert Hoover started many of the programs that Franklin Roosevelt would continue during the Great Depression. So, it’s not like Hoover wasn’t trying. Charisma wasn’t Hoover’s strong suit, but the lack of it never stopped him before.
The real turning point in Moses’ life came when God lit the burning bush on fire, near the path Moses was traveling. It was weird. There was a big fire all around the bush, but not a leaf on the bush was actually burning. God issued His command for Moses to go back to Egypt and lead His people to their freedom.
One of the greatest advantages of lacking confidence is that it supplies you with a never ending list of excuses as to why you can’t do something. Over and over again, Moses would fire off one excuse after another as to why he wasn’t the man for the job.
When you are talking to the Great Creator, it is often easy to forget He made everything, even confidence. When God gives you a gift, like confidence, it is wise to take that confidence from Him and leave your own, easy to lose, confidence at the doorstep. That’s what Moses did.
Moses would lead his “real” family to the steps of the Promised Land. Over and over again you will see where Moses rises up to all the challenges he faces. Sometimes he had to have enough faith, and confidence, not just for himself, but for the entire Israelite community.
As I look over Moses’ journey through the wilderness, I get a little tickled at one of Moses’ excuses at the burning bush. At the bush, Moses tells God he can’t speak in front of the crowds. He claims he stutters. God relents and gives him his brother, Aaron, to speak for him to the crowds.
It seems the longer the journey goes into the wilderness, the more frustrated Moses gets with his brother Aaron. Through many of the passages, it appears that it is no longer Aaron that is speaking to the crowds, but Moses seems to be doing the speaking himself.
The other thing I find funny in the story is that Moses, at times, seems to forget where his confidence came from. When he struck the rock, to bring forth water, instead of speaking to it like God told him to, he gets punished. Moses, for that disobedience, was never allowed to step foot in the Promised Land.
The confidence Moses had in himself had replaced the confidence he should have had in God. Although Moses had many excuses at the burning bush, the biggest one seemed to be that he didn’t have the confidence to lead the people. God didn’t want Moses to have confidence in himself. God wanted Moses to have confidence in Him.
Confidence seems to be one of the most fragile human conditions. Many things beat against it. Our emotions, our feelings, our desire to fit in, our goals, and our thoughts on success can all play a role on confidence’s direction.
When we place our trust in our own ability, our own desires, and our own self-worth, we are placing our confidence on very weak ground. Only a confidence built with God’s help can grant us the freedom to always have a firm place to rest our feet.
Prayer: Dear Mighty Father, Please be with me in those moments I’m weak. Let my life be covered with a confidence only You can provide. Help me to help others see the advantage of trusting You for their confidence. Amen.
