The Cave
It was dark. It was damp. It was lonely. Every step echoed endlessly against its hallways. He traveled too far to worry about being afraid. Logic must be somewhere in her depths, but he didn’t know which direction to turn to find her.
The light just seem to cast deeper shadows and its beams really offered no hint of salvation. Besides, the light would just stir up other demons. There was no sense in yelling, no one would hear him and even if they would they would never come to his rescue.
So what was he to do? There was not enough oxygen in the room for a candle to find its flame. There was no compass to guide him out. Each step had an equal chance of rescue or slipping lower into the labyrinth.
His only companion was despair. His only friend was fear. His eyes were glossed over hopelessness. His enemies lurked in the darkness and he knew not where the next punch would come from. So he just stood there, afraid to move.
He found some comfort in just standing there, but with each little sound, each little movement, each little breeze, his whole being would turn in its direction. He would usually overreact to its presence. Instincts were all he believed he had left.
Life presents many different challenges. Most of those trying events cause us momentary discomfort. But there are also those earth shattering events that seem to cast an eternal cloud over our lives. Our despair is so great, our hope turns sour, and we don’t believe the clouds will ever go away.
Most people make their way through these trying times. Their foundations may get rocked. They may be down for a little while. That eternal cloud eventually finds sunlight to chase it away. They chalk it up to being part of life.
But for others, these earth shattering experiences are not so easily conquered. These events drop them in a dark, dark cave, like the one described above. There seems to be no hope, nor do there seem to be any heroes on the horizon to chase away their clouds.
These people are the depressed. It is not just some switch that was turned on. Even more so, it is not some switch that can be turned off. They look for hope but only see the worst. Their lives require them to prove their worth and innocence. They don’t deserve to be where they are and they are going to make sure everyone knows it.
Sometimes their depression arrives at their doorstep when their core comes apart. Not only are they having trouble understanding the whys, they are also even more troubled with the why them. One of the main focuses of this period seems to be to prove that they really don’t deserve to be in the place where they sit.
Depression keeps no time clock. It is not a welcomed visitor and its visits often last way too long. No one invited her in, yet, she will not listen to the commands to leave. So there she sits right across from you and she never seems to blink.
For a moment in my life I stepped into that dark cave. My whole world came crashing down around me. Despair collided with reason, and despair won. I was wrapped around my self-pity. I warmed myself by the fire of the pain I was feeling. I could not move from their comfort because it was the only thing of value I felt I owned.
Other “wiser” people had easy solutions. “Just snap out of it,” was the most often used suggestion. Hearing, “things will get better,” was about the only thing I heard that would make me laugh. The statement, “Life’s not fair,” would cause my eyes to roll. The sound of “others have it worse than you do,” would just cause my blood to boil.
It wasn’t the “wise ones” with all their “great” advice that helped me through that period. No, it was the patient ones who let me spout off that offered the most comfort. They were like a gentle breeze on a very hot day. It was those who built up my self-worth with evidence of my character that strengthened me. It was those who helped me wash off the dirt and grime of my past injustices that showed me a way to a brighter future.
I am not a psychiatrist by any means, but I personally know the difference between having a bout of sadness or discouragement and a prolonged state of depression. Even some of our greatest leaders have struggled with bouts of depression. Without any real authority to claim what depression is and what it is not, I will attempt to pick my top three Presidents, in chronological order of when they served, and top three Bible characters, randomly selected, which I believe, unprofessionally, might have suffered from depression.
The first President I believed might have had symptoms of depression is John Adams. Adams was, perhaps, one of the most talented men to be President. His profile is filled with jobs like: collaborator on the writing of the Declaration of Independence, Ambassador to the United Kingdom shortly after we won our independence, Delegate to the First Continental Congress, the first Vice President, and, of course, the second President of the United States.
But John Adams often saw his own shadow and it scared him to death. He was extremely paranoid. His stubbornness and very opinionated personality did not lean itself to close relationships, except to his wife. Even his close friendship with Thomas Jefferson would totally breakdown until the end of both of their lives.
His inclination toward self-pity and his fear that nobody really liked him manifested itself into a prophecy that came true. He wanted, almost even demanded, that others think highly of him and it just turned others off. Behind his back, they would even make fun of him.
Like many of the early Presidents, John Adams came from a family that had high hope that he would find his profession among the clergy. It was almost like he spent his life trying to prove he could be a “good man” without becoming a preacher. Yet, like a pesky gnat, the more he tried to “prove” himself, the more he felt like he had to prove.
My second President that is a prime suspect for depression is Franklin Pierce. He was the fourteenth President. In his day, he was considered one of the most attractive Presidents. His political career, before becoming President, consisted mainly of being a Senator from 1837 – 1842 and being a Representative from 1833 – 1837. A fairly undistinguished politician, many consider him to be the first dark horse to be elected President.
Pierce handled the crises in his life the way many chose to do. He drank. With the possible exception of Ulysses Grant, Pierce is probably the best known drinker President. When Pierce left his New Hampshire homeland for the political landscape of Washington DC, he faced a totally new life. When he was elected to Congress, he was not quite thirty years old.
DC, at the time, was not like the DC of today. There was very little to do with your free time. Most of the Congressmen were forced to live in shabby boardinghouses. They often had to share rooms. The young Pierce got lonely and bored. To calm his discomfort, he started to drink. Boy, could he drink. Many stories filled the streets of his partying and drunken escapades. He would live up to the title: “Hero of many a well-fought bottle.”
Then he married the daughter of the President of the college, Bowdoin College, he used to attend. When one says that opposites attract, they probably use Franklin and Jane Pierce as an example. Where he could be loud and obnoxious, especially when he drank, she was quiet and was a devotee of the temperance movement. Jane was also very religious.
Jane hated politics and refused to even go to DC when Franklin served as Senator. There were even stories that he didn’t even tell his wife he was a candidate for the Presidency until after he was elected President. When she found out he was going to be the new President she was deeply disappointed and believed that was not the direction God wanted their lives to go in.
The Pierces had lost two of their three sons early in their childhood. So, with their remaining son, the three remaining Pierces got on a train and headed to Washington so Pierce could serve as President. On the way to DC the train derailed. Their only remaining son was killed and both of them witnessed his decapitated body in the wreckage.
Jane Pierce believed her remaining son’s death was a punishment from God. She believed God did not want her husband to be President. She refused to do any of the First Lady functions and she basically mourned her son’s death the entire four years of Pierce’s Presidency. Franklin did what he always did: he drank.
To add even more insult to the situation, his party refused to offer him the chance to run for reelection. He is quoted as saying, “there’s nothing left to do but get drunk.” He died at sixty-four years old of cirrhosis of the liver.
My final selection of the depressed President is considered by most to be the best President we have ever had: Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln hid his depression by concentrating on doing other things extremely well. He also used one of the best tools in a depressed person’s toolbox, his sense of humor, to fool people.
When one looks at his different victories they seldom notice that the only one who doesn’t seem to be celebrating is Lincoln himself. Even after the surrender of Lee, that ended the Civil War, Lincoln seems to be more troubled by a dream he had. In the dream he was looking into a room at the White House. He saw a casket with a man in it. In the dream, he asked, “Who is in the casket?” The respondent states that it is the President. Ironically, Lincoln would be shot, and die, a short time later.
Lincoln had a very rough childhood. His only brother died in infancy. By the age of nine he had lost his Mom, his aunt, and his uncle. Ten years later, he would lose his sister. Many believe Lincoln had an early love interest with Anne Rutledge, but she too would die at a very young age. Some stories tell of Lincoln, upon hearing of Rutledge’s death, walking into the woods and muttering something about suicide.
Mary Todd and Abraham would have four sons. Their second son, Eddie, would die when he was just three years old. Another son’s death would come while Lincoln was in the White House. This was his mischievous, but much love son Willie. Lincoln must have felt like everyone close to him was cursed by his presence.
One needs to only look at the historical Lincoln to notice the chances he took in life. He left home at an early age and worked on the river. He was a wrestler in an age when wrestling had few rules and he rarely lost. He almost fought in a duel. He was called the Log Rail Splitter Candidate when he ran for President. He went out to many battlefields during the Civil War, despite standing out as being taller than most and wearing a top hat. Shortly after the Confederate Capitol in Richmond was captured, he rode through its streets despite the fact that a sniper might be anywhere.
Many of the stories about Lincoln might have less to do about bravery and possibly more to do with the fact he might not have cared if he was dead. That might be sheer speculation, but if you wanted to join others who have left this earth by dying, what better way than to have someone else do it for you.
My first choice for Biblical depression is probably Moses. The little Hebrew baby who was saved by a clever scheme his Mother thought up, was raised with all the perks in the Pharaoh’s house. The best of everything was laid at his feet.
But, my guess is Moses felt a little guilty that he was saved and so many other little Hebrew babies weren’t. Silently, inside his soul brewed a desire to redeem himself with his native clan. Secretly, he plotted out schemes in which he could lead a rebellion to return his people to their rightful glory.
The plot reached its peak, and the perfect moment arrived for him to make his move. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew and he took extreme action to halt the encounter. He killed the Egyptian. Now he probably dreamed that his people would raise him on their shoulders and announce their new leader with pride. Instead, it all back fired and he was forced to flee the land he grew up in and find a hiding place in a far off land.
Moses would spend about forty years in exile. For a man who had so much hope in being a savior, this probably ate at him every day. The fall from royalty to just a common man probably clouded his vision of himself. Denial was probably the tool he used. “No, this is not affecting me. In fact, it’s pretty nice not having the responsibility,” was probably what he told everyone and himself.
A man of so many talents and education, like Moses, could not have been happy just tending to sheep and taking care of the farm. For a man who was so passionate that he would kill a man for a cause, his heart didn’t just turn off because of rejection. He covered it up by denying that it was still there.
People look at the story of Moses and the burning bush and wonder why he had such a problem trusting God when God plainly and visually told him what he wanted him to do. Moses would just “turn Him down.” Moses thought he had worked through his depression and he wasn’t going to go through that again. After being burnt, he was through taking chances.
I have read a few sources that state that Moses, who lived to be 120 years old, could have his life divided into three parts. The first forty years he thought he was something. The second forty years he thought he was nothing. In his final forty years, God taught Moses what he could do with a nothing.
My personal problems, that sent me into a miserable state, happened when I was close to turning forty. I remember praying to God over and over again, “Father, please don’t send me into the wilderness for the next forty years.” As I get close to the halfway point of that second forty years, I am left wondering if that is exactly what is happening.
My second Bible depression character is a pretty obvious choice. If everyone was ask who they thought was the prime Biblical depression character I’m sure he would be on most people’s top five list. My second Biblical choice is Job.
It is said that the Book of Job was actually the first written book of the modern Bible. This would probably confuse a lot of people because it rests close to the middle of the Bible, just before Psalms. Obviously his story is not the first story that happened. He couldn’t have been around before God created the world in Genesis. It just means that it was written before Genesis was written by Moses. So the story of Job probably happened before Moses.
Job was a very well-to-do man. He was very wealthy. He had a great loving family. Even with all his success and wealth, Job never forgot about God. Job loved God and worshiped God. Job was one of those people that God looked upon and said, “You know, I did a really good job on this one.”
For those who think bad things shouldn’t happen to good people need only look at the story of Job and they will see that bad things, really bad things, do happen to good people. Job was probably one of the most godly men of his time.
In very quick succession, one bad thing after another happened to Job. He lost it all. His wealth, his health, and his family. That is all his family except his nagging, non-supportive wife. He also didn’t lose his “friends.”
With all this loss, you would think someone would feel sorry for Job. No one felt sorry for Job. In fact, everyone wanted to know what Job did to tick off God. And no matter how much he defended himself, Job could not convince his friends that he was telling the truth.
For those who quote the patience of Job, I questioned if they have ever actually read the whole Book of Job. Job was lonely. Job was defensive. Job was in pain. Job saw his world as a dark, dark place and like anyone in that situation would be, he wanted all the bad stuff to stop and just go away. He wasn’t really patient. He was just forced to endure because he had no other choice.
At the end of the Book of Job, Job seems to argue with God about his mistreatment. He is very mad at God. He demands an exclamation. It’s not right what God has done to him and he wants answers. Wow, sounds a lot like what I was feeling.
God does answer Job. For those of you who want the sweet music to play in the background and want to hear that God said He was sorry, you’re going to have to switch to another website.
God basically tells Job, “Hold on a minute, young man. I am God and I answer to no one. What I do, I do. It is not you who decides how life works. That’s my job and my job alone.” Then the Book of Job ends. No sweet words of encouragement. No “just hang in there.” No “things are going to get better.”
Before you get too discouraged, in the end, God does bless Job again. In fact, the Bible states that he doubled what Job had before.
My final depression character is Solomon. What? Solomon had it all. How can you pick him?
Solomon was the son of David. Solomon had six step-mothers according to the Bible. David, his father, lusted after his mother when she was married to another man. That man was one of David’s most loyal subjects, yet David could not get past his passion for Solomon’s mom. David would have this loyal subject placed in the front lines of a battle he knew could not be won. And that’s exactly what happened, the loyal subject, and soldier, was killed.
Why David had to have Uriah, Solomon’s mom’s, Bathsheba’s, husband, killed was because David got Bathsheba pregnant and Uriah would not cooperate with David’s scheme for him to sleep with his wife, Bathsheba, to cover up his misdeed.
In one of the interesting twists of what appears to be Bible contradictions, Solomon’s lineage to Jesus would seem to be questioned in the New Testament. Matthew (Matthew 1: 6-7) mentions Joseph’s lineage through Solomon. It appears that Luke (Luke 3:31) takes a different turn stating that linage goes through David’s other son Nathan instead.
If you read the Luke passage carefully, though, it seems to actually contribute the linage listed to Joseph’s father-in-law, who would be Mary’s dad. Some believe Mary had no brothers and a tradition of that day would be for the father-in-law to hand down his line to his first daughter’s husband so that their line could continue. Even though Jesus’ linage would come through Mary, more than likely, a woman in that day would not have her linage recorded, but her father would.
This would also make sense since Joseph wasn’t actually Jesus’ real dad, God was. Mary was actually Jesus’ real mom. This would also allow Jesus to come from David’s line as He promised.
Back to Bathsheba, Solomon’s mom. The child from David and her pregnancy died shortly after its birth. Solomon would come around during another pregnancy.
When Solomon sought wisdom, rather than riches and glory, God was very touched. God gave Solomon all of those things, in addition to wisdom. With everything you can imagine, you would think happiness would follow. But Solomon might have let all these gifts go to his head.
The Bible states that Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. These wives’ different religious practices would eventually break his family and the nation of Israel apart. He would build an elaborate temple in Jerusalem only to have it eventually torn down by Babylon.
Those events in themselves would not lend themselves to depression, though. After all, most of those events would happen after Solomon died.
Where I see Solomon’s depression highlighted is in Ecclesiastes. Written by Solomon, almost all its pages shout the words, “Life is meaningless.” The rich and poor, the wise and the fool, the happy and the sad, all have one thing in common, it claims. The common bond is they all die and they all are forgotten. Those don’t sound like the words of a man who is satisfied with his life.
So with all these depressing words, is there hope for the depressed? I believe there is and I will share with you three things I learned to do. Even today, I use these when I get discouraged and they usually work.
First, forget about yourself and your problems. That may seem impossible. Your problems are too big. You have been wronged in some very bad way. That person close to you is never coming back. How can I just forget that?
Simple answer is, you can’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take steps in a positive direction.
During those depressing times in my life I saw a counselor who gave me some of the best advice I have ever received. She said, “Just go out and have some fun.” When she said it, I was very insulted. I thought she was saying I wasn’t fun. When I finally grasped what she really meant, I had a big question: how do you have fun? I had to learn to find things to do in which I could have fun. I had become so wrapped up in my problems I didn’t see one of the blessings God had given me: the ability to enjoy life.
One example I have used with my wife is creating games. In one, we took some money out of the ATM. The dollar amount made absolutely no difference. It could be $5 or $20 or $50 or $100. It wasn’t about the amount. My wife and I each have five letters in our first names. All five of those letters are different in each of our names.
We then went to the middle of a mall we hadn’t been to before. We would split the money in half and she would go one way down the mall and I would go the other. With our money we would have to find one item for each letter in the other’s name and we would have to find a gift for them. The only rule was that we had to find one item for each letter and we had to spend all the money.
It’s surprising how you forget your problems and your worries when you are thinking about someone else.
The second thing I learned to do was to think about myself. Wait, didn’t I just say to forget about yourself. By thinking about ones’ self I am talking more about finding ways to improve your life. When you are depressed the word “unfair” almost controls your mind. You have to step out of that mindset and concentrate on what you can change and the only thing you can change is you.
Start reading. Exercise. Go to museums, shows, seminars. Take classes or develop a hobby. Go on trips. They don’t have to be long or expensive trips, but when you see other places it somehow brings a spark into your life. Start reading the Bible and develop a daily prayer life.
One of the biggest mistakes I believe many make during this time is trying to find someone to love them, understand them, or complete them. Until you are comfortable with yourself you are only asking for trouble if you commit yourself to a serious relationship. There is only one person you need to prove your worth to and that person is yourself.
I believe there is many a soul who finds the most difficult person to deal with is themselves. How do you tell if you are comfortable with yourself? Can you go eat at a restaurant and eat by yourself? Sometimes the hardest person to be alone with is yourself.
Finally, don’t forget where you came from. One of the most driving forces when I get a little down these days is that I don’t want to go back to that cave. I worked too hard to get out of that cave. I will do almost anything to stay out of it again.
The other part of not forgetting where you came from is helping others out of their cave. Where you were crying for a hero, they too need a hero, or at the very least a helping hand. They may reject you. They may get upset with you. They may even think you’re mean. But hang in there. They need time to figure it out just like you did. Don’t give up on them because you may be the only one who believes they can make it through it, because, at that moment, they don’t believe they can.
If you are depressed, know you have at least one person praying for you. I do every day. I may not know you by name, but I know the cave you dwell in. And I’m not the only one who wants you out of that cave either. You have friends and family that believe in you. You have counselors waiting to help you. You have people praying for you. And, most of all, you have a God that loves you and wants to see you enjoy his creation.
Prayer: Dear Mighty Father, Thank you so much for rescuing me from that dark cave. Please keep its entrance sealed so I never wander in it again. Please help me give a hand to the others that might need to come out of their cave, too. Amen.
